Portillos - Oh How I Love Thou

Posted by admin on April 10th, 2007 at 11:25pm

While I love eating a great many places, very few elicit the title of perpetual favorites. Portillos is one of those places. I really have been dreading this write-up just for fear of not doing justice to the sacred walls of this glorious establishment.

I first came to terms with my problem when during my freshman year of college at the University of Wisconsin, I received for my birthday not one but two entire cakes of chocolaty heaven. Other people had clearly been introduced to my inner fat guy. I am not a religious man, but if I were, this cake would vie for the position of my deity. While a single entire cake is indeed gluttonous and possessing two at the same time approaches extreme levels even I quiver at the thought of, even the single slices served at the restaurant can put everything that is good in the world within reach of your fork.

I knew that this piece would inevitably digress into a love note to mi amor chocolate cake but I promised myself that I would fight to keep it on track. With that in mind I would like to get into some of Portillos’ other offerings.

The most astonishing thing about this spot is that while everyone loves it, each has his or her own reasons. While conversations with Coldstone lovers are always going to get back to cake batter ice cream, conversations with Portillos lovers are unscripted and spontaneous.

Following the obligatory affirmation that he is in fact a fan, the portillos lover will follow with an utterly unpredictable reasoning. “The Italian beef makes my heart sing.” “The grilled chicken sandwich is better than watching dragonflies fuck.” “The chili dog is more soothing than diarrhea when you’re constipated.” The list goes on. I have never heard of a spot where nearly every menu item is at the top of someone’s list. How can everything be so damn good?

Personally, I have experienced periods in my love for Portillos, much more akin to those that Picasso experienced than those which visit chics monthly. I began young and innocent with my cheese dog period, before exploring my slightly deeper cheeseburger side. The cheese fries were a comforting constant, a shoulder to lean on if you will, through this otherwise tumultuous period.

I then grew slightly more health conscious and my palette expanded forcing me into a long, drawn out grilled chicken sandwich period. The flavors that result as the mayonnaise plays on the seasonings of the perfectly grilled breast are nothing short of beautiful when combined on such a soft but substantial bun. Lately my emotions have been getting the best of my health conscious mind and I have been falling into the darkness that is the chili dog. While the chili is not all that noteworthy, I can’t help but love the experience.

If I die of heart disease, there is almost no doubt that my drawn out romance with Portillos played some part, but that is ok because everyone knows that in heaven, food orders are hastily scribbled on the backs of red and white striped paper bags.

Under $$$ - Casual Dining+ $$$$ - Fine Dining+ $$ - Good Eats+ $ - Fast Food+ $$$$$ - Ridic Dining